I get by with a little help...

...from my friends.

There is a dramatic shift in life that occurs somewhere around your 30s. No one asks for it, but it kind of just…happens. There is so much hope and wonder when you are in your teens and 20s, and then it hits you: I have to figure life out now. It shouldn’t be unexpected, but the onset is usually not in the way we would prefer it. What’s worse is that once you start getting your crap together, life punches you right in the face. 

For me, I had an idea of how life was going to play out. I figured I would continue to take an active role in ministry, get married, have a kid, and hold down a decent job. Now, what I had not intended was to regret the degree that I got and kick myself for years wishing I had gone to school for something else. It is interesting, not to throw shade at anyone, that graphic design jobs want people with a degree rather than experience. I realized in the course of multiple jobs that I was a bit quicker and more well-rounded of a designer because I had been thrust into so many different companies and churches' graphic needs. Yet, I lacked the degree behind it. Instead, I thought I should be a teacher…

Anyway, life is full of what-ifs, and that is not the point of this article. The above paragraph was just me venting and a little bit of an example. The reality of today’s topic is the role of friendship in life and creative endeavors. Nothing in this article is aimed directly at anyone else, and I do not mean to put down anyone’s social outreach. This is just more of a reflection of where I stand currently. 

Quality is much more important than quantity. I will talk about it a bit in the podcast episode this week, but things have been rough for a while now. I understand everyone has their own trials, and I am not acting like mine are any bit more important than anyone else's (this sounds a lot like the opening of Tilt to me). What I can attest to is that it has been hard for me. I had never battled anything quite like I have over the past few years. By the grace of God, I have an amazing woman by my side and we have been making it work. However, even in that regard we so often have to spend time apart because of our life layouts.

Now, in this time what has become increasingly clear is that not everyone I thought was a friend was. Quite a few people just assumed I gave up and quit being creative, but never reached out. Other people knew what was occurring but couldn’t be bothered to ask how I was or what my side of everything was. I hadn’t quit, I had just gotten quiet. A few people kept reaching out, and then I realized they were more tied to what I needed than I could have imagined. This is where actual friendship shows up. It is with people who want to talk, want to see things get better, and want you to help with their thoughts and problems as well. We were created to be social beings, and lacking in that can be detrimental to growth. 

In the creative world, finding friends who help lift you up, rather than use you as a stepping stone, is easier said than done. Often you end up finding out that you served a role for someone, but it lacked connection. This is fine, as we all live a pretty transactional lifestyle, but it can be a lot when you desire those connections to grow. It is in these moments that it helps to take a step back and examine who is in your life for the long haul, and who is this season's special guest.

I encourage everyone to strive for quality. In those moments of great highs and lows, it is important to have a strong circle of people who encourage, uplift, and get you amped up. I am thankful that I have a group that does this for me, and that I have continued to learn how to recognize series regulars and guest stars.

Do better. Be better.